5:25 a.m. this morning…

Woke at 5:25 a.m. stumbled out of bed, almost fall over in the process; ever have those mornings when your body feels like lethargic lead? Like, an elephant is on your back. That’s how I feel this morning. monkey brained with an elephant on my back, but today (I emphasize to myself),” today, you are determined”, I wrangle myself into a claustrophobic workout outfit, sleepily walk down the dark shadowy hall, locate and slip on ratty worn-treaded grey Under Armor tennies, hit brew button on coffee maker, search for dog lead (I’m not doing this exercise bunk alone. One of you three jokers are going with me, three sets of eyes stare hopingly back at me.) Somewhere between the hours of yesterday evening and the screaming alert of my iPhone alarm, I’ve managed to have found a new chunk of ‘just do it’ attitude. Or maybe the recognition and reality of an extra almost 16 pounds gained since May has jarred me into gear? Transition into married life is making me fat and sassy. Panic attack, if I gain 16 pounds, umm, let’s says, over the course of, umm, I don’t know, umm, the next 40 years, I will weigh somewhere within the scale range of 775 lbs. “uh, yea, go run, girl! (AND STOP EATING BAG LOADS OF TORTILLA CHIPS!  I love dessert.”) I decide on a jog without headphones, I would rather hear Raytown stirring, birds chirping, bugs humming, leaves whispering. In the tranquility of the morning right before a city awakes, there is something so mesmerizing about those quiet moments. It is easy to talk to God. Today as I jog/walk questions come to mind. “Jesus, I always feel an urge to write, but why? Do you like to read? Do you like to read about yourself? Ultimately, everything is about you, so you must. I want to write a book, but what about? What do you want me say?” The entire walk, this is my conversation with God. And so, I resolute, inside of me is a book, that remains to be told. One final question of the morning, “God, could you just at least give me the title?”